tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54332896324867267672024-02-08T04:08:40.316-08:00Fat Girl, Skinny WorldBecause poking fun at skinny people is fun!Mistress P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06662182447906717592noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5433289632486726767.post-19868075435545604792010-06-08T01:09:00.000-07:002010-06-08T01:09:22.304-07:00Asshole of the Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://ll-media.tmz.com/2010/06/03/0603-sheila-erikson-ex-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="168" src="http://ll-media.tmz.com/2010/06/03/0603-sheila-erikson-ex-2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Hoorah! Its Shannon Price. The ex-wife of Gary Coleman (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RuPaul%27s_Drag_U">and future Drag U contestant</a>).<br />
<br />
Guess what she did! Its more like what didn't she do. Am I right? Anyway, this bitch ordered photogs to take photographs of her dying little nugget in the hospital or some shit. Yeah whatever. This bitch is nutz.<br />
<br />
CONGRATZ HO!Mistress P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06662182447906717592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5433289632486726767.post-90729782330172760732010-06-07T22:25:00.000-07:002010-06-07T22:26:09.977-07:00What Happened to Your Bangs?!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://i45.tinypic.com/117w9iu.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="190" src="http://i45.tinypic.com/117w9iu.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
This is Lita. She's dying and needs your help.<br />
<br />
Not really. Bad taste? Well kiss my ass. This crazy looking bitch is <b>YoLandi</b> from the...'group' <b>Die Antwoord</b>. Her and some other crazies on crack have formed a singing, rapping, caca licking group out of South Africa. One of their videos involves a little person and some bat shit crazy drawings and dancing.<br />
<br />
Yeah, I really really like this group. YoLandi is how I hope my family will make me look when I die. Pass the bleach Grandma, I'm going to South Africa! <br />
<br />
There's a video after the jump, wherein you can see the universe in which YoLandi and lead singer <b>Ninja</b> (didn't fucking make that up) live. The video is NSFW. But it is safe if you want your children to wake up screaming in the middle of the night.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
<object width="480" height="260"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/_wv-SJm0kRA&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xe1600f&color2=0xfebd01&border=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/_wv-SJm0kRA&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xe1600f&color2=0xfebd01&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="260"></embed></object>Mistress P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06662182447906717592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5433289632486726767.post-48580360678066304442010-06-07T22:09:00.000-07:002010-06-07T22:09:03.617-07:00Hello Ice Queen!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://i45.tinypic.com/2qm1y.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://i45.tinypic.com/2qm1y.jpg" width="217" /></a></div><br />
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Well helloooooo there pretty lady.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">The CFDA Fashion Awards were happening at some place in some location within the United States. You can tell I care about the actual awards.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">The important thing is that every celebrity and fashion official were out and about in their prettiest dresses looking absolutely <strike>terrible</strike> stunning. Pictured above in the notorious Queen of the fashion world, Anna Wintour looking amahzing. I wish I could pull off that dress. At least I can pull off being a cunt.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Hearts Anna. Hearts.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Oh yeah, some other assholes showed up too. Who? I couldn't give two shits.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1417774914"><br />
</a></span></div><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://www.fadedyouthblog.com/190579/2010-cfda-awards-brings-out-the-stars" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Source</a></span>Mistress P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06662182447906717592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5433289632486726767.post-46270088648581763502010-06-06T20:59:00.000-07:002010-06-06T21:09:01.253-07:00Asshole of the Day<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.google.com/url?source=imgres&ct=tbn&q=http://www.bilerico.com/2010/01/sempa-1.jpg&sa=X&ei=6G4MTJiNEpHaMcSc2bUE&ved=0CAUQ8wc4Aw&usg=AFQjCNFvzMwKADJ2MGu0wrWVImlz6rB67Q" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.google.com/url?source=imgres&ct=tbn&q=http://www.bilerico.com/2010/01/sempa-1.jpg&sa=X&ei=6G4MTJiNEpHaMcSc2bUE&ved=0CAUQ8wc4Aw&usg=AFQjCNFvzMwKADJ2MGu0wrWVImlz6rB67Q" width="251" /></a></div><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Today was a pretty slow news day. So I picked this bitch.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">This is Pastor Doctor Professional Asshole Martin Ssempa and his intense Ugandan hate speech against the homos. The video is pretty much NSFW. Click below to see this video in all its caca covered glory (hole).</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><object height="364" width="445"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/euXQbZDwV0w&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xe1600f&color2=0xfebd01&border=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/euXQbZDwV0w&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xe1600f&color2=0xfebd01&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="445" height="364"></embed></object></div><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">He has researched what these homos do in their spare time. Acts include eating da poo poo, smelling each other, and smearing da poo poo. Yeah okay. I'm pretty sure that after this sermon or whatever the fuck this cult is, everyone in the room got a little hard. You know, any good Ugandan husband should first lick off his wife's poo poo from her caca hole as a general mating ritual. Otherwise, wtf is the point?</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Anyway, this video is semi-recent. Its been around the block a few times and probably has poo poo stains all over its fucking face. I for one am not into this kind of thing. Obviously this Pastor Doctor didn't do enough research, because I prefer to lay under a glass table and wait for someone to "poo poo" all over my face.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I'm a lady, vagina wipe.</span></div>Mistress P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06662182447906717592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5433289632486726767.post-79514325927020569672010-06-06T11:43:00.000-07:002010-06-06T11:43:17.879-07:00Warning: Not Safe For Life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://i48.tinypic.com/j7w4rr.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://i48.tinypic.com/j7w4rr.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Meet Linda Moore. Linda Moore is 56. Linda Moore has lost her fucking mind.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I get it. Twilight is epic for little girls and old biddies. But really? When Linda's husband told his wife that she could not redecorate their bedroom, Linda decided to fuck up her guest room instead. Linda told PEOPLE (The magazine. Not the imaginary ones in her head) that "Everyone who has seen my Twilight room either loves it or thinks I'm crazy." Well no shit.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">This room must be a panty creamer for all those Twitards out there. If I was this obsessed, I see now what I would want to strive for. Let's be honest, the bitch got some good taste. Its not a terribly horrible looking room. Aside from the life size cutout (Which Linda probably humps in her free time), the overall color scheme and furnishings are quaint. I'm a sucker for themes.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">When she's not servicing Cardboard Edward's front butt, she's most likely cutting out K. Stewart's face from Twilight posters and replacing it with her's. Not a terrible role model. This is exactly what I strive to be after all; a fucking psycho. Thank you Linda Moore. May you one day realize that a Twilight room was a fucking stoopid idea when you were piss drunk.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://www.people.com/people/package/gallery/0,,20316279_20387834,00.html" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Source</a><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> via </span><a href="http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/47603466.html#cutid1" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">ONTD</a></span>Mistress P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06662182447906717592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5433289632486726767.post-67910587865031498012010-06-05T18:43:00.000-07:002010-06-05T18:43:12.381-07:00Dear God, NO!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://dlisted.com/files/redthefuckwhat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://dlisted.com/files/redthefuckwhat.jpg" width="291" /></a></span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">This. I don't even. I can't.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I need a moment.</span>Mistress P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06662182447906717592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5433289632486726767.post-78304972133349121912010-06-05T13:40:00.000-07:002010-06-05T13:41:47.457-07:00Speaking of Asshole Housewives...<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.nypost.com/rw/nypost/2010/06/05/news/photos_stories/cropped/teresa_giudice--300x450.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.nypost.com/rw/nypost/2010/06/05/news/photos_stories/cropped/teresa_giudice--300x450.jpg" width="213" /></a></div><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Sigh. Well, I guess I'll jump ship over to Atlanta. Peaches are good. I like peaches.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Real Housewife of New Joyzee </i>star, <b>Teresa Giudice</b> and her goomba husband Joe, apparently owe $11 million according to the <a href="http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/deadbeat_reality_8f3qwDPV2oY8s9N51fL82I#ixzz0pzKoDlYn">New York Post</a>. Eleven fucking million. The couple are reported to make just under $79,000 a year and are up to their necks in liens, foreclosures and unpaid bills. The Giudices say that they own creditors $10,853,648.04. Gurl. Honey child. Wtf?</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Teresa loves to splurge all her fucking theoretical money on designer clothes, her future slut daughters, and meatballs (both the food and her husband's). The list goes on and on with these two. They owe money for their Cadillac (duh), Joe's vasectomy (oh Lawd), and for their daughter Gia's 9th birthday party, she got an all-terrain vehicle (you should be shot). These assholes deserve to go to jail. Meanwhile, I continue to live in the shack behind my landlady's house with my best friends, asbestos and mold. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Here's how the post breaks this shit down:</span></div><blockquote style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Behind the bankruptcy filing </b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b> </b></span> <br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">What the Giudices make a year:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>$79,000 </b>(plus $120,000 in “assistance” from family members)</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">What they owe: <b>$10,853,648.04</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b> </b></span> <br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Credit Cards</b></span> <br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
<b>$104,000</b><br />
including $20,000 to Bloomingdale’s, Neiman Marcus, Nordstrom</span> <br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>$1,280</b> monthly payment for Cadillac Escalade</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Mortgages</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><br />
$2.6M </b><br />
for eight mortgages on three homes (two have been handed back to lenders)</span> <br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>$5.8M</b> Joe's business investments</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>$85,600</b> Home repairs</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>$12,000</b> Fertility treatments</span></blockquote><blockquote style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>$2,300</b> Phone bill</span></blockquote><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Seriously? $2,300 for a phone bill? Too good for Skype, huh? I can just picture Danielle rolling over and laughing in her Vampire coffin. She's probably diddling to the news. I know how Teresa can make her money. She can take a page from Danielle Staub's book and become a PROSTITUTION WOAAAAR. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Good fucking luck Guidos. Maybe you can sell your jars of tomato sauce for extra moolah.</span></div>Mistress P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06662182447906717592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5433289632486726767.post-15465245789919249792010-06-05T11:17:00.000-07:002010-06-05T13:22:36.636-07:00Nike No Likey<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://www.google.com/url?source=imgres&ct=tbn&q=http://www.myliftkits.com/wp-content/uploads//2010/03/US_V1_W_SHAPE_UPS_WAVES_AD-lr.jpg&sa=X&ei=mZQKTLX6N4T6NfCQvNQC&ved=0CAUQ8wc4EQ&usg=AFQjCNF-LBN5b5L6SFAzhZR0J8PqxCNwUQ" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.google.com/url?source=imgres&ct=tbn&q=http://www.myliftkits.com/wp-content/uploads//2010/03/US_V1_W_SHAPE_UPS_WAVES_AD-lr.jpg&sa=X&ei=mZQKTLX6N4T6NfCQvNQC&ved=0CAUQ8wc4EQ&usg=AFQjCNF-LBN5b5L6SFAzhZR0J8PqxCNwUQ" width="241" /></a></span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Nike's Vice President, Eric Sprunk, is being a little bitch and decided to<b> </b><b><span style="font-weight: normal;">point his middle finger to</span> Skechers Shape Ups</b> and <b>Reebok's Easy Tone</b> shoes. He criticized the toning shoe's ability to really give its consumers a work out.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
Homegurl is probably just jealous though. In 2009, these shoes made $145 million. Yeah, up yours Sprunk. I went with a gal pal to go buy one of these damn things and god only knows if they actually do anything. They sales associate said that the shoes are like walking on sand. My friend lives in Hawaii. The bitch can walk outside and start stomping those size 13's on sand. I have no idea what the fuck she was buying this shit for, but WHATEVER.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Nike's going to relaunch their Free brand which will hopefully rival Reebok and Skechers. I'm so over these shoes. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment with an apple (covered in caramel) that needs to be attended to.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://cocoperez.com/2010-06-04-nike-slams-butt-toning-shoes" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Source</a></span>Mistress P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06662182447906717592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5433289632486726767.post-51485610862289471522010-06-05T10:23:00.000-07:002010-06-05T10:28:44.279-07:00Asshole Of The Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://i40.tinypic.com/s2wbkl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="http://i40.tinypic.com/s2wbkl.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Today's award goes to one <b>Bethenny Frankel</b> for saying that childbirth was 'less painful' than <b>dealing with Kelly Bensimon</b> on the Housewives' trip to St. John's. Bethenny and Kelly are both members of the Real <i>Houswives of New York</i> cast and pretty much would like to kick each other in the fupa. Bethenny Frankelstein went on record saying: <b> </b></span></div><blockquote style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>"By far St. [John's was worse] and I'm not just saying it for effect,</i>" Frankel tells the press on a call Thursday (June 3) to promote her new show "Bethenny Getting Married?" <i>"The C-section was less painful to me than Kelly. It was horrendous. Horrendous."</i></span></blockquote><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">During this trip, Frankel, along with fellow cast members, Alex McCord, Ramona Singer, and Sonja Morgan all decided that Kelly was having a nervous breakdown and that they were tired of dealing with her crap. Kelly later decided to <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uv1w1Hc45nM">film a anti-bullying PSA.</a> Because bullying is no bueno.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Yeah, okay. Its not like Frankelstein really pushed a baby out of her chalupa hole. Someone stabbed her in the stomach and pulled the damn thing out. And there's not fucking way she was on pain killers. NO WAY. Whatever. I'm over this damn show. I'm packing up my tomato sauce and dried pasta and moving to New Joyzee. Have fun on your new damn show Frankelstein.</span></span><b></b><br />
<b><br />
</b><br />
<a href="http://blog.zap2it.com/thedishrag/2010/06/real-housewives-bethenny-frankel-childbirth-is-less-painful-than-kelly-jill-is-no-longer-in-her-life.html">Source</a><b><br />
</b>Mistress P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06662182447906717592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5433289632486726767.post-25537812798956024592010-06-04T17:57:00.000-07:002010-06-04T17:57:58.086-07:00Bitch Got Caught<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://dlisted.com/files/chacehilarious.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://dlisted.com/files/chacehilarious.jpg" width="274" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Well that's too bad. <b>Chace Crawford</b> was arrested blah blah for smoking blah with his blah. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I don't watch Gossip Girl, but if I did, I might care. Or be inclined to get arrested too with the hopes of becoming his cell mate and become subject to unspeakable acts. Probably not. But a girl can dream. So what if he took a hit of that good stuff? My cousin did the same damn thing. Only, he wasn't in his friends Camaro and a dick wasn't in his mouf (I'm guessing).</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I'm enjoying this mugshot. From the drag brows to the weird shit on his lower lashes, I'll add this to my hall of fame mugshots. Right next to La Lohan and Skinny Richie. I love today's role models.</span></span>Mistress P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06662182447906717592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5433289632486726767.post-49704245365427753422010-06-04T11:59:00.000-07:002010-06-04T22:44:25.518-07:00G.P. Homemaker<div style="text-align: center;"><object height="364" width="445"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/4LBX5W1hdhQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0xe1600f&color2=0xfebd01&border=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/4LBX5W1hdhQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0xe1600f&color2=0xfebd01&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="445" height="364"></embed></object></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">So...There's this.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Gwyneth Paltrow decided to make Shrimp Tacos. Well that's nice. I'm sure that after she comes home from her busy day, the first thing on her mind isn't "what did private chef cook for dinner?" No, that just isn't possible. You know this bitch told her maid to cut those damn tomatoes while she went outside to smoke or do yoga or some shit.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Honestly, Goopy Paltrow's food doesn't look like shit. Well, what do you know? She can fucking cook! Granted, Juanita the maid probably told her the recipe, but no one needs to know. Meanwhile, I'm going to go eat my Taco Bell Pacific Shrimp Tacos (Yeah, fancy). And you know what? I think I'm going to try this recipe. Yeah, I'll just heat up my grill that I have stored conveniently in my damn kitchen counter. Tell Juanita to get her fingers out of Goopy Paltow's purse and start cleaning this damn kitchen up.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">DONESVILLE.</span></div>Mistress P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06662182447906717592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5433289632486726767.post-43049511434854434952010-06-04T10:18:00.003-07:002010-06-04T14:12:01.986-07:00Tranny Mess Friday: Titty Scarf<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://i46.tinypic.com/2ebzkf7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://i46.tinypic.com/2ebzkf7.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<br />
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">A seller on <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/48667874/boob-scarf-sale?ref=sr_gallery_1&ga_search_query=boob+scarf&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_page=&includes[]=tags&includes[]=title">Esty</a> has created and is trying to sell this titty scarf. The NSFW ( I guess. I mean, they're fake and all.) picture after the jump.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><a name='more'></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://ny-image2.etsy.com/il_430xN.148851714.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://ny-image2.etsy.com/il_430xN.148851714.jpg" style="display: block; height: 423px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 317px;" /></a></div><span style="font-size: x-small;">The description of the garment is: </span><br />
<div style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><blockquote><span style="font-size: x-small;">"almost look real!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">almost feel real!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">almost are real!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">(SALE!)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">usually $45, now $25!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">get em while they're perky!"</span></blockquote></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Yeah okay. The great part of this (if you can call this great) is that a percentage of the sale goes to breast cancer research. AND. Yes, there's an and. This titty scarf is in a variety of colors! If you have Jungle Fever, or Yellow Fever, there's a scarf out there just for you to keep you and your hands warm at night.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Thanks Esty person for making this wonderful enigma of society. I'm sure that there as many creepers out there who will love to own this scarf. Even I want this damn thing, if only to supplement my existing titties. I can have six in the front,not unlike a dog. I am SO happy.</span></div>Mistress P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06662182447906717592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5433289632486726767.post-13860497826450103802010-06-04T10:00:00.000-07:002010-06-05T16:18:54.607-07:00Asshole Of The Day<a href="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-06-03-Screenshot20100603at8.24.13AM.png" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2010-06-03-Screenshot20100603at8.24.13AM.png" style="cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 419px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 271px;" /></a><span style="font-size: 85%;"><br />
<span style="font-family: arial; font-weight: bold;">Urban Outfitters</span><span style="font-family: arial;">, the brand that I really don't understand (seriously. WHAT are they?), and their creative team of dumb bimbos and magical anorexic unicorns decided to pull this masterpiece out of their ass. It promotes anorexia, blah blah. Yeah. Whatever.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: arial;">I don't need another fucking way for skinny assholes to tell me what to do. I GET IT. As a big fuck you, I should wear this shirt and sit in front of the store with a bucket of Church's Chicken and get to work on that bitch. But I'm too elegant and classy to do such a thing. So I'll just lay on my bathroom floor while </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-style: italic;">"All By Myself"</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> is playing in the background and do the same thing. Thanks Urb-itch Outfitters. THANKS.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><span style="font-family: arial;">EDIT: Urbitch decided to pull this shit off their website after word got out of the possible message of anorexia. <i>Boo hoo</i>. Don't worry. You can still purchase yours at Urban brick and mortar stores. But its only available in large sizes. Go figure.</span></span>Mistress P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06662182447906717592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5433289632486726767.post-3496762844701937492010-06-04T09:45:00.001-07:002010-06-04T10:41:15.096-07:00Neil George Must Hate Her<a href="http://i50.tinypic.com/21kz0at.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://i50.tinypic.com/21kz0at.jpg" style="cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 341px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 262px;" /></a><span style="font-size: 85%;">Here's that one Skinny bitch, <b>Kristen Cavallari</b>, leaving the Neil George Salon.<br />
<br />
Her hair still looks like shit.</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;"><a href="http://i48.tinypic.com/309rmlv.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://i48.tinypic.com/309rmlv.jpg" style="cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 292px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 206px;" /></a><a href="http://i46.tinypic.com/35jyq90.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://i46.tinypic.com/35jyq90.jpg" style="cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 243px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 180px;" /></a><a href="http://i45.tinypic.com/241lcmc.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://i45.tinypic.com/241lcmc.jpg" style="cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 269px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 198px;" /></a></div>Mistress P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06662182447906717592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5433289632486726767.post-71440232855916663732010-06-04T09:27:00.000-07:002010-06-04T09:43:39.480-07:00Nah, She's Just a Fat Ass<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://commonsensepoliticalthought.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/khloe-kardashian-lecover.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 274px; height: 367px;" src="http://commonsensepoliticalthought.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/khloe-kardashian-lecover.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" ><br />Khloe Kardashian</span><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:arial;"> recently was swept up with a wave of claims that she was preggers. Turns out that bun in the oven was just a Cinnabon, a couple jelly doughnuts, and a few Twinkies. Probably all deep fried. When Entertainment Weekly asked the barbarian princess about the pregnancy rumors, Khloe bluntly stated </span></span><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" >"No, I'm just fat."</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">In other news, my landlady assaulted me with her drag queen features and terrible oily skin by yelling at me for some shit that I can't even remember after last night's binge drinking. I know you care about that too.</span><br /><br /><a href="http://dlisted.com/node/37530"><span style="font-family:arial;">Source</span></a></span>Mistress P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06662182447906717592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5433289632486726767.post-66369016073387659182010-06-03T19:27:00.000-07:002010-06-03T20:39:06.893-07:00Hooray Europe<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.blackbookmag.com/ee/images/uploads2/fantastic060210.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 388px; height: 258px;" src="http://www.blackbookmag.com/ee/images/uploads2/fantastic060210.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><span style="font-family: arial;font-size:85%;" >A European magazine by the name of <span style="font-style: italic;">Fantastic Man</span> decided to use male plus size models for one of their latest editorials. The copy reads: </span><span style="font-family: arial;font-size:85%;" ><br /> </span><blockquote style="font-family: arial;"> <div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">"A series of stylistic suggestions for bold summer fashions to be worn by gentlemen of quite marvelous shape."</span></span><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /> </span></div> </blockquote><span style="font-family: arial;font-size:85%;" >Well, that's nice. Recently, there has been an increase in plus sized models in magazines. Is America ready to accept a bigger size person? Probably not. But whatever. At least Fantastic Man was willing to take the risk. And I'm enjoying this man's ensemble. It looks like he's going to take a dip in his prison's recreational pool where he'll probably get assaulted by an inmate named Bubba or something. Yay Europe.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.blackbookmag.com/article/fantastic-mans-latest-plus-size-model-sponsored-content/19079"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Source</span></a></span><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: arial;"></span></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left; font-family: arial;"></div><blockquote></blockquote><br /></div></div>Mistress P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06662182447906717592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5433289632486726767.post-23303098123090842542010-06-03T18:40:00.000-07:002010-06-03T19:11:53.639-07:00Welcome to this Skinny World<span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:arial;">I am not a girl. Although I strive to be like one. I'm an honorary girl. Seriously. I took my precious Kimora Lee Simmons barbie and knighted myself with it. And, no. That's not strange. How about this: I'm a skinny girl, trapped in a fat girl, who's trapped in a fat boy's body. Understand? Yeah, I don't either.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Regardless, this is my safe haven. I am a fat girl in this skinny world, and it doesn't get any skinner than the world of fashion. I'm a fashion student, and between all the skinny queens and women, I stand out like a sore thumb. Therefore, with this blog I do declare that all those skinny bitches can go suck on a finger while I take my two piece and a biscuit and shove that delicious goodness down my throat.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">In other words:</span></span><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v491/Kajisan/?action=view&current=kissmyfatass.gif" target="_blank"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v491/Kajisan/kissmyfatass.gif" alt="Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /></div>Mistress P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06662182447906717592noreply@blogger.com0