Asshole of the Day

Hoorah! Its Shannon Price. The ex-wife of Gary Coleman (and future Drag U contestant).

Guess what she did! Its more like what didn't she do. Am I right? Anyway, this bitch ordered photogs to take photographs of her dying little nugget in the hospital or some shit. Yeah whatever. This bitch is nutz.

CONGRATZ HO!

What Happened to Your Bangs?!

This is Lita. She's dying and needs your help.

Not really. Bad taste? Well kiss my ass. This crazy looking bitch is YoLandi from the...'group' Die Antwoord. Her and some other crazies on crack have formed a singing, rapping, caca licking group out of South Africa. One of their videos involves a little person and some bat shit crazy drawings and dancing.

Yeah, I really really like this group. YoLandi is how I hope my family will make me look when I die. Pass the bleach Grandma, I'm going to South Africa!

There's a video after the jump, wherein you can see the universe in which YoLandi and lead singer Ninja (didn't fucking make that up) live. The video is NSFW. But it is safe if you want your children to wake up screaming in the middle of the night.

Hello Ice Queen!

Well helloooooo there pretty lady.

The CFDA Fashion Awards were happening at some place in some location within the United States. You can tell I care about the actual awards.

The important thing is that every celebrity and fashion official were out and about in their prettiest dresses looking absolutely terrible stunning. Pictured above in the notorious Queen of the fashion world, Anna Wintour looking amahzing. I wish I could pull off that dress. At least I can pull off being a cunt.

Hearts Anna. Hearts.

Oh yeah, some other assholes showed up too. Who? I couldn't give two shits.

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Asshole of the Day

Today was a pretty slow news day. So I picked this bitch.

This is Pastor Doctor Professional Asshole Martin Ssempa and his intense Ugandan hate speech against the homos.  The video is pretty much NSFW. Click below to see this video in all its caca covered glory (hole).

Warning: Not Safe For Life

Meet Linda Moore. Linda Moore is 56. Linda Moore has lost her fucking mind.

I get it. Twilight is epic for little girls and old biddies. But really? When Linda's husband told his wife that she could not redecorate their bedroom, Linda decided to fuck up her guest room instead. Linda told PEOPLE (The magazine. Not the imaginary ones in her head) that "Everyone who has seen my Twilight room either loves it or thinks I'm crazy." Well no shit.

This room must be a panty creamer for all those Twitards out there. If I was this obsessed, I see now what I would want to strive for.  Let's be honest, the bitch got some good taste. Its not a terribly horrible looking room. Aside from the life size cutout (Which Linda probably humps in her free time), the overall color scheme and furnishings are quaint. I'm a sucker for themes.

When she's not servicing Cardboard Edward's front butt, she's most likely cutting out K. Stewart's face from Twilight posters and replacing it with her's. Not a terrible role model. This is exactly what I strive to be after all; a fucking psycho. Thank you Linda Moore. May you one day realize that a Twilight room was a fucking stoopid idea when you were piss drunk.

Source via ONTD

Dear God, NO!

This. I don't even. I can't.

I need a moment.

Speaking of Asshole Housewives...

Sigh. Well, I guess I'll jump ship over to Atlanta. Peaches are good. I like peaches.

Real Housewife of New Joyzee star, Teresa Giudice and her goomba husband Joe, apparently owe $11 million according to the New York Post. Eleven fucking million. The couple are reported to make just under $79,000 a year and are up to their necks in liens, foreclosures and unpaid bills. The Giudices say that they own creditors $10,853,648.04. Gurl. Honey child. Wtf?

Teresa loves to splurge all her fucking theoretical money on designer clothes, her future slut daughters, and meatballs (both the food and her husband's). The list goes on and on with these two. They owe money for their Cadillac (duh), Joe's vasectomy (oh Lawd), and for their daughter Gia's 9th birthday party, she got an all-terrain vehicle (you should be shot). These assholes deserve to go to jail. Meanwhile, I continue to live in the shack behind my landlady's house with my best friends, asbestos and mold. 

Here's how the post breaks this shit down:

Behind the bankruptcy filing 
 
What the Giudices make a year:
$79,000 (plus $120,000 in “assistance” from family members)

What they owe: $10,853,648.04
 
Credit Cards

$104,000
including $20,000 to Bloomingdale’s, Neiman Marcus, Nordstrom

$1,280 monthly payment for Cadillac Escalade

Mortgages

$2.6M
for eight mortgages on three homes (two have been handed back to lenders)

$5.8M Joe's business investments

$85,600 Home repairs

$12,000 Fertility treatments

$2,300 Phone bill

Seriously? $2,300 for a phone bill? Too good for Skype, huh? I can just picture Danielle rolling over and laughing in her Vampire coffin. She's probably diddling to the news. I know how Teresa can make her money. She can take a page from Danielle Staub's book and become a PROSTITUTION WOAAAAR. 

Good fucking luck Guidos. Maybe you can sell your jars of tomato sauce for extra moolah.

Nike No Likey

Nike's Vice President, Eric Sprunk, is being a little bitch and decided to point his middle finger to Skechers Shape Ups and Reebok's Easy Tone shoes. He criticized the toning shoe's ability to really give its consumers a work out.

Homegurl is probably just jealous though. In 2009, these shoes made $145 million. Yeah, up yours Sprunk. I went with a gal pal to go buy one of these damn things and god only knows if they actually do anything. They sales associate said that the shoes are like walking on sand. My friend lives in Hawaii. The bitch can walk outside and start stomping those size 13's on sand. I have no idea what the fuck she was buying this shit for, but WHATEVER.

Nike's going to relaunch their Free brand which will hopefully rival Reebok and Skechers. I'm so over these shoes. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment with an apple (covered in caramel) that needs to be attended to.

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Asshole Of The Day

Today's award goes to one Bethenny Frankel for saying that childbirth was 'less painful' than dealing with Kelly Bensimon on the Housewives' trip to St. John's. Bethenny and Kelly are both members of the Real Houswives of New York cast and pretty much would like to kick each other in the fupa. Bethenny Frankelstein went on record saying:  

"By far St. [John's was worse] and I'm not just saying it for effect," Frankel tells the press on a call Thursday (June 3) to promote her new show "Bethenny Getting Married?" "The C-section was less painful to me than Kelly. It was horrendous. Horrendous."

During this trip, Frankel, along with fellow cast members, Alex McCord, Ramona Singer, and Sonja Morgan all decided that Kelly was having a nervous breakdown and that they were tired of dealing with her crap. Kelly later decided to film a anti-bullying PSA. Because bullying is no bueno.

Yeah, okay. Its not like Frankelstein really pushed a baby out of her chalupa hole. Someone stabbed her in the stomach and pulled the damn thing out. And there's not fucking way she was on pain killers. NO WAY. Whatever. I'm over this damn show. I'm packing up my tomato sauce and dried pasta and moving to New Joyzee. Have fun on your new damn show Frankelstein.


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Bitch Got Caught

Well that's too bad. Chace Crawford was arrested blah blah for smoking blah with his blah.

I don't watch Gossip Girl, but if I did, I might care. Or be inclined to get arrested too with the hopes of becoming his cell mate and become subject to unspeakable acts. Probably not. But a girl can dream. So what if he took a hit of that good stuff? My cousin did the same damn thing. Only, he wasn't in his friends Camaro and a dick wasn't in his mouf (I'm guessing).

I'm enjoying this mugshot. From the drag brows to the weird shit on his lower lashes, I'll add this to my hall of fame mugshots. Right next to La Lohan and Skinny Richie. I love today's role models.