Asshole of the Day

Hoorah! Its Shannon Price. The ex-wife of Gary Coleman (and future Drag U contestant).

Guess what she did! Its more like what didn't she do. Am I right? Anyway, this bitch ordered photogs to take photographs of her dying little nugget in the hospital or some shit. Yeah whatever. This bitch is nutz.

CONGRATZ HO!

What Happened to Your Bangs?!

This is Lita. She's dying and needs your help.

Not really. Bad taste? Well kiss my ass. This crazy looking bitch is YoLandi from the...'group' Die Antwoord. Her and some other crazies on crack have formed a singing, rapping, caca licking group out of South Africa. One of their videos involves a little person and some bat shit crazy drawings and dancing.

Yeah, I really really like this group. YoLandi is how I hope my family will make me look when I die. Pass the bleach Grandma, I'm going to South Africa!

There's a video after the jump, wherein you can see the universe in which YoLandi and lead singer Ninja (didn't fucking make that up) live. The video is NSFW. But it is safe if you want your children to wake up screaming in the middle of the night.

Warning: Not Safe For Life

Meet Linda Moore. Linda Moore is 56. Linda Moore has lost her fucking mind.

I get it. Twilight is epic for little girls and old biddies. But really? When Linda's husband told his wife that she could not redecorate their bedroom, Linda decided to fuck up her guest room instead. Linda told PEOPLE (The magazine. Not the imaginary ones in her head) that "Everyone who has seen my Twilight room either loves it or thinks I'm crazy." Well no shit.

This room must be a panty creamer for all those Twitards out there. If I was this obsessed, I see now what I would want to strive for.  Let's be honest, the bitch got some good taste. Its not a terribly horrible looking room. Aside from the life size cutout (Which Linda probably humps in her free time), the overall color scheme and furnishings are quaint. I'm a sucker for themes.

When she's not servicing Cardboard Edward's front butt, she's most likely cutting out K. Stewart's face from Twilight posters and replacing it with her's. Not a terrible role model. This is exactly what I strive to be after all; a fucking psycho. Thank you Linda Moore. May you one day realize that a Twilight room was a fucking stoopid idea when you were piss drunk.

Source via ONTD

Bitch Got Caught

Well that's too bad. Chace Crawford was arrested blah blah for smoking blah with his blah.

I don't watch Gossip Girl, but if I did, I might care. Or be inclined to get arrested too with the hopes of becoming his cell mate and become subject to unspeakable acts. Probably not. But a girl can dream. So what if he took a hit of that good stuff? My cousin did the same damn thing. Only, he wasn't in his friends Camaro and a dick wasn't in his mouf (I'm guessing).

I'm enjoying this mugshot. From the drag brows to the weird shit on his lower lashes, I'll add this to my hall of fame mugshots. Right next to La Lohan and Skinny Richie. I love today's role models.

G.P. Homemaker

So...There's this.

Gwyneth Paltrow decided to make Shrimp Tacos. Well that's nice. I'm sure that after she comes home from her busy day, the first thing on her mind isn't "what did private chef cook for dinner?" No, that just isn't possible. You know this bitch told her maid to cut those damn tomatoes while she went outside to smoke or do yoga or some shit.

Honestly, Goopy Paltrow's food doesn't look like shit. Well, what do you know? She can fucking cook! Granted, Juanita the maid probably told her the recipe, but no one needs to know. Meanwhile, I'm going to go eat my Taco Bell Pacific Shrimp Tacos (Yeah, fancy). And you know what? I think I'm going to try this recipe. Yeah, I'll just heat up my grill that I have stored conveniently in my damn kitchen counter. Tell Juanita to get her fingers out of Goopy Paltow's purse and start cleaning this damn kitchen up.

DONESVILLE.

Nah, She's Just a Fat Ass

Khloe Kardashian recently was swept up with a wave of claims that she was preggers. Turns out that bun in the oven was just a Cinnabon, a couple jelly doughnuts, and a few Twinkies. Probably all deep fried. When Entertainment Weekly asked the barbarian princess about the pregnancy rumors, Khloe bluntly stated "No, I'm just fat."

In other news, my landlady assaulted me with her drag queen features and terrible oily skin by yelling at me for some shit that I can't even remember after last night's binge drinking. I know you care about that too.

Source